not today

each drop trickling away becoming cold and leaving behind a salty stickiness
the hum of the fan soothing after rushing about settling mundane inanimate objects
while the animate remain in chaos

a sudden flash of giving in,
closing my eyes and waiting for the cliched darkness,
i close my eyes and think, they will come and look around at the neatly ordered room
and then eyes fall on me,to think , how awkward the position of death is.
how out of place i look.

but my face would be peaceful, my eyes shut, my back lax.
legs splayed out in odd angles.
as an afterthought i adjust my feet and make them more neat, looking in proportion to the room.

if only death like sleep were a choice.
i am feeling deathly, i think i ll go to my grave.
so much would be different,
i'd have gone a long time ago.

but then all my sweat dried away, i still feel moist inside my clothes.
i open my eyes and think.
not today, not today
maybe tomorrow